MY CAT PASSED AWAY
My cat, 'who' suffered from cancer 6 months ago finally breathed his last yesterday night. I said 'who' and not 'which' cos i find it wrong to lump animals together with inanimate objects. animals deserve 'who'. ok, i m tokin nonsense. so, last night, i spent an hour crying. ling had trouble comforting me cos i tink he might not understand how i feel as he is not as obsessed wif animals as me. i tink he is like wondering y i can cry like dat over an animal.
i tink u guys noe dat if i see humans dying on the news or tortured, i'd haf no emotions. that time, i even saw a man dead on the road, wif blood cos of an accident and i still dun haf any emotions towards that guys. but, if i see an animal injured, dying or tortured in the news, i would shout at my ling to change the channel cos i refuse to watch that news. i noe dat if i watch, i would cry and even ling wouldnt be able to comfort me then.
I am not sure if my cat passed away only after my 'visit'. I admit, i am not close to this cat cos he is often locked up in my mom's rm. but he is very very manja to people. so, last night, i decided to visit him. he used to be big and fat but last night, i finally saw the effect of cancer on him. he was juz bones and his fur was falling off. i stroked him to see if he was alive cos he seemed to be sleeping but he gave a squeak to tell me dat he was alive.
ok, i m starting to cry now... sighz...
den after visiting him, i asked my mum if we shud put him down to end his suffering but my mum refused cos she wants him to die naturally. i m so frustrated wif my mum cos it was her dat my cat ended up wif dis condition. she was the one who reported to me about his injury late and we ended up sending him to a vet too late. his injury, which was minor became cancerous.
for the next two hours after the visit, i told ling dat i had a sinking and bad feeling and it wasnt really about my cat cos i tot he would still be alive for the next week or so. i tot it was juz me cos i told ling dat i need to see counsellor. this is bcos at times i feel dat something is not wrong without knowing wat was wrong. like, if i go shopping or when i m eating, my heart can suddenly sink and i would feel that something is not right. i thought i haf emotional problems and i need to see a doctor for that. i even told ling that mebe i shud start taking vallium.
den, i decided to go out of my rm and i cant even remember why i went out. but soon after stepping out of my rm, i realised that my mum and dad were walking about in a rushed manner. i asked them wat was wrong and dat was when my mum told me dat my cat passed away.
right now, my mum is chit chatting happily wif my aunt over the phone but here i am crying as i m typing this blog.
i noe he is juz a cat but i feel that animals deserve to be on earth more than humans cos they are innocent. humans are forever committing sins and bringing misery to others. worse, humans can think but animals cant. when they die, i dun even noe if they get to go to a better place.
i hope that my cat is really at peace now. i m gonna miss him. i told ling that, if it were cik cik (my fat female cat) who died, i tink i wun be able to take e news cos i m very very close to her.
i hate myself for loving animals so much. but as a compensation, at least i'd be emotionless when it comes to humans and deaths.