yest, though it was my bdae, i slept, crying. as i cried, pple were still wishing me a happy bdae and it got more and more ironic which made me feel even worse.

firstly, yest, i had 10 periods of lessons. 10 periods = 5 hours. my min. no. of periods per day is 7 periods actually which is way above average of other pple in my profession. my kids arent exactly angels and yest i still had to get them to arrange their desks and chairs for today's nationwide event. what a horror it was!!! 

during break, two of my kids caught a well known household reptile and it escaped and went to another girl's skirt and yada yada. i wasnt there at that time and my colleague even confessed that she was beside my kids when that incident happen but she was too tired to scold dem as she was also fasting. den wat about me???!! i haf to take dem for 10 periods!!

i actually do haf passion in wat i do, so i get excited during lessons. when i get excited, my kids get excited and they would interrupt me and gif their unnecessary comments as i was talkin. i got super fed up. since yest was a very very heavy day for me, i got really really really fed up. in one day i shouted and scolded them three times. by the third time, i was very very thirsty and i felt very weak. i couldnt take it anymore, i threw my  marker on the floor and had to leave my class halfway to go to the toilet to compose myself.

when i got back to class, i went back to the normal mode. 

den after dat i got duty for today's event which included me walking up and down the stairs, carrying a big box. checking for everything until 5.30pm. by then i really couldnt take it. i felt SOOOO thirsty... ya allah, i can really imagine wat it would haf been like in the desert....

in overall, I worked from 6.30 am to 11am. Break from 11am to 1230pm. Den work again from 1230pm to 5.30pm and my job is not desk job mind u. My job is the physically exhaustive one. 

What was worse is dat, ling din really gaf me the support i needed. he felt that when i complained, it was all about me. He kept asking me if i was the only person fasting. he kept asking me if i was the only one who had to do all those work. it felt like he was accusing me of over exaggerating without considering that others may be in e same plight as me. but who cares if others are in the same plight or worse than me? that doesnt mean i haf no right to complain. I could have fainted there and den. den wait until i faint issit?? i noe dat i was e only person who is fasting and had to take 10 periods, with a difficult class, get the class to arrange tables and carry out that physically taxing duty.

so, i left skool at 6.30pm in a cab and we celebrated at my house cos i was very very tired. ling got a cake from awfully chocolate and we ordered pizzas.

even then, the night ended on a sour note.

it seemed that ling cannot handle my stress level. he said i complain and complain as though i was e only impt person arnd. imagine how i felt at that time? i m still getting used to this challenging profession. right now, i need someone who can give me support. i thought ling could give that cos his work now is not that heavy. i noe it would be heavy in the future. but now he is still doing light duties so it may seemed as though that i m complaining too much cos he got not much things to complain abt! his complain would be, he had to carry a 4kg load of coffee cups for a meeting or, he has to write minutes. i m not saying he shouldnt be complaining but i really feel that his problems right now is like  a tiny pebble as compared to my problem, which is a big rock that will turn into a mountain as time passes. so, i tink i need the support more until i m stable but that doesnt mean i dun give a damn abt his probs right now.

i m mentally, emotionally and psychologically stressed now. i dun tink i m exaggerating. all i need is a person who is generous wif caring and supportive words which seemed too much for ling to give. he said, i was the one who made him feel unhappy cos i keep sharing my grievances. but, i wonder, if i kept most of the things to myself, wont i explode??? who else could i turn to? my family??? my family which doesnt do much to get me to where i am today????

i haf no one. i noe that at times like dis, i need a guy cos girls will never be able to hear the stress i m facing now.

I BADLY need a guy. any guy. a fren to tok to.